The Dark Side Rises to Intolerable Heights
by wakkaman jr
Summary: A recent problem involving a yellow, sugary beverage made from lemons may turn Anakin to the Dark Side...


**Chapter 1:** The Dark Side Rises

There was was a young man named Anakin Skywalker who lived on the planet Courascant during the Wars featuring Clone Solidiers. These soldiers had white

suits made of a thick, polyurethane coating that kept them safe from the authentic metal battle droids ($449.99 each) that surrounded them.

Anyway, back to the story of Anakin Skywalker. Anakin Skywalker had a padawan named Ashoka Tano. She **sucked**. One day Anakin Skywalker was relaxing

by his $30,000 dollar private pool waiting on Ashoka to get him a glass of lemonade. She brought him a glass of limeade instead. He said, " You little b1t¢h, get

back here with mi lemonades." She said, "Okay, but you'll have to get me a pool float." At this, Anakin Skywalker walked over to her, grabbed her by the head,

and ripped off one of her head tails by sheer force. Ashoka screamed out in pain, her large eyes watering and her poor body flinching. She then fell

unconcientious. Anakin then threw her into a float in the pool. There was blood everywhere. Anakin then left. Luckily, Kit fisto found Ashoka and took her to the

emergency ward. Anakin was tried in court for was crimes but was found not guilty.

The next day, Ananikn went to see Ashoka in the ward. She had lived, but barely. He said, " Ashoka, Count Dooku almost kill'd you." Ashoke looked up at

him and said, " Really, cool!" Anakin and Ashoka laughed and played with each other for the rest of the day. There was blood everywhere. The nurse came in

and said, " WUT DE FUQUE R U DOIING OUTR OF BEDE?" Ashoka looked up and said," Nothing." Anakin then took out his silver, airbrushed, battle-worn Colt

911 and shot the nurse in half. Ashoka had blinked while this happened, so it looked like the nurse had simply gone away. Anakin then took Ashoka to his room.

"Ashoka," he said… At that very moment in space-time, Obi Wan walked into the room. He saw Ashoka standing there and Came. "Uh….UH…I need to go grab

my… spare ass!" He then got stuck in the cum cumming from the door. Anakin grabbed Ashoka by the head again and screamed. "YOU SNIPPY LITTLE

BASTARD!1!" "How DARE YOU make Obii Wan cum like THAT?" He then tore her other head tail off, causing Ashoka to cry out in extreme pain. She could

barely stand. Her blue eyes filling with tears at her cruel master.

Anakin then left the room. Ashoka stared at the pooling blood and then looked up at Obi Wand. He was cumming out of the door slowly. He had blinked when

Anakin tore off Ashoka's head tail, so he wondered why she was lying in a pool of blood, but said nothing. The blood had stained the expensive white marbled

$30,000 floors. Yoda would be pissed. Not at Anakin, at Ashoka. "Have too much blood, you do." He would say. "Lose some, you must." "But on my floors, you

should not." Ashoka could already hear Master Yoda saying these things. Anakin then came back in the room with his silver, airbrushed, battle-worn Colt 911.

"Hold this…" he said to Ashoka, and stuck it in her mouth. He then pulled the trigger. "Oops," He said, betraying no hint of emotion. Obi Wand blinked while this

had happened, still stuck in his own cum. "Where are you going, Anakin, and what happened to poor Ashoka?" "She looks a little… dead." Anakin then shot at

Obi wan with his silver, airbrushed, battle-worn Colt 911, but he missed. "Good gravy, Anakin, that's a nice gun you've got there. Where can I get one?" "Oh,

and watch where you're shooting that thing, you could have hit Ashoka and me." "Ashoka, come check out Anakin's cool gun!" Said Obi Wan. "Ashoka,

ASHOKA?" "Why aren't you answering me?" "Oh my Goodness, Anakin! I think she's gone into a sugar coma. I told you to stop giving her that red ice cream

that's puddled around her now!"

Anakin then blasted Obi Wan's Mouth full of plaster, which turned him into an old, grey-haired man. "I think I'll call myself Ben," He said " After Ben and

Jerry's Ice cream. That was always Ashoka's favorite. Look, she's laying in a puddle of it right now!"

Anakin then got in his $150,000 dollar ETA-2 and took off. However, as he was flying, he felt a massive sh!t coming on. "Oh sh!t of I don't get this sh!t out of

my $$ then I'll stuff up this sh!tty ship with my thick sh!t!" said Anakin as he was about to sh!t his britches. Suddenly, his massive sh!t filled up the cockpit,

causing the engines to fail and poor Anakin Sh!twalker to plummet 50,000 feet to the planet's surface.

There, the Emperor found his bruised, burning body crawling out of the cockpit of his totaled $150,000 ETA-2, his silver, airbrushed, battle-worn Colt 911 bent in

half and no longer working. As he got out of the cockpit, the Emperor noticed that Anakin was missing several limbs, and his skin was charred. As Anakin

crawled out, he stepped on a picture of Ashoka and him and dashed it into hundreds of sh!t-covered pieces. The emperor gave him a $200,000 suit of sh!t black

armor complete with respirator and life support and said, " Now, Lord Vader, rise!"

Darth Vader rose up from the Sh!t surrounding him and said," Today, the Empire rises, and a new era of galactic civilization descends upon this society! The Jedi

shall fall, and the Empire shall RISE!"

END, ROLL CREDITS,_ Satr Wars E **piss** ode !: Revenge of the Sh!t

42% on Rotten Cucumbers

2.5/10 on INDb

28% on OverCritic

1/5 on The Overseer

0/1 Common Choice Parental Guidance

1/10 at IGM

Hope everyone licked this glorious Sh!t of a story. I'll be seeing all of you on the FlipSide of Anakin's $$.


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